Marriage in God’s Hands 21
Handling Our Emotions
Some of the most destructive emotions will be addressed. Emotions as fear, anger, hate, bitterness, jealousy, grief, anxiety, guilt and depression. They have the potential to destroy the person and the marriage relationship.
Emotions are a thought that stimulates the mind and can be seen visibly. We cannot cover them up, but we can learn through Christ how to change them in our thoughts, where they start. We need to recognize that when we are experiencing emotions that are not governed by Christ, they will not only have an effect on us, but on others too.
Provers 23:7 “As he thinketh in his heart, so is he.” This tells us that there is a place where emotions begin. What we think leads to what we speak and act. “You hurt my feelings” or “You made me angry” are not correct statements. When someone is angry with me, for example, I have to make the choice whether to take on the same spirit, and thus let the other person be in control of me, or let allow Christ to be in control of me at that moment. What am I going to do with those thoughts?
When a stimulus comes, we process it and we decide how we are going to respond. Mostly our natural inclination is to respond how we feel. Without Christ it is impossible to control our emotions, but with Christ all things are possible.
Our thoughts have a direct impact on us. Negative thoughts give rise to negative feelings. We don’t have to be controlled by emotions, by someone else’s emotions. If we want to have marriages that are heart to heart, we need to deal with our emotions; and it begins by dealing with our thoughts.
When we entertain a negative thought of the other person, such as thinking that my husband does not love me, the attitude changes in the wife, for example, and than this ‘prophecy’ might be fulfilled. “Let this mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus.” When we learn to have the thoughts of Christ, we will have the emotional responses that He had; and His emotional responses drew people to Him.
It is the love of self that really destroys my feelings. The selfish “me” focus, considers only how everyone affects me. When I do not have peace, when I do not feel good in myself, it does not help to blame someone else or the circumstances. It does not matter whose fault it is, who said what, peace and harmony will not be brought into the home unless I make the choice by faith to allow Christ to have my thoughts, those emotions that want to rise, and allow Him to change me. Than the peace that I received from God, will encourage the other person, who might be at fault, to seek it too. This brings growth in the marriage.
Isaiah 26:3 “Though will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed in Thee because he trusteth in Thee.” When we surrender to God in that moment of time, which is so vital, it makes it possible for that power that is outside of us to heal us and bring us peace. Negative emotions are an indication that we are not at peace, and we need Christ.
It does not mean that we should never talk about where the problem started, who may be at fault in this situation. But it should not be done from a selfish perspective. Instead of letting the other person to be our solution, we need to let Christ be our solution and than come back to one another in this solution. If we do not do this, we will not have peace in our marriage.
Rather than responding the way self wants to respond, rather than wanting to be even and respond in the same spirit as the other person, we can allow Christ to make the difference in us, and give our spouse a taste of heaven.Sometimes our emotions can be affected by physical circumstances, such as hormonal imbalance, etc. Than too we can by faith claim God’s promises and receive help with our emotions.