Please Understand Me

If delicate matters in marriage are not addressed, walls of separation build up. If we surrender self to Christ, than we will be made willing and able to listen to and understand the other person, as well as recognize our faults and take appropriate actions.

SUMMARY

When we are in the “me” (self) focus our communication suffers, and irritation and other issues occur. However when one is in the “us” focus, he understands that not only he wants to be understood, but also the other person; resulting in a good communication. The golden rule: “….all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them….” (Matthew 7:12). Based on this, if I really want you to listen to me, than I should really want to listen to you too. As we cooperate with God, we will have a heart to understand the other person.

When I am really willing to surrender and receive the power of Jesus, than will I really be willing understand the other person. If delicate matters are not addressed, walls of separation built up. James 1:19 is a powerful advice (swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath). We are not swift to hear each other, but what my Lord says concerning this matter. If we pause and are swift to hear, and not quick to speak, we can hear what God impresses our conscience with, and give a better response.

When we make a worthy commitment, it will be tested. This happened to Alane and Tom soon after they made the commitment to discuss delicate issues, which in the past they avoided. One time they were having a very sweet conversation when, unexpectedly, they found themselves addressing one such delicate issue. With that occasion Tom, remembering the commitment, asked God “Lord, what do you want me to do?” And God impressed him “Ask your wife where your problem is.” With this impression Hebrews 13:5 (I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee) was brought to his remembrance. Alane was shocked to hear this, but used the opportunity to state that there are three things. Immediately Tom felt self wanting to rise up and say “But… you do not understand”. God at that time brought to his mind the verse “Be still and know that I am God. So Tom surrendered to God and listened to his wife. This happened twice. However when Alane mentioned the third thing, he had complete rest in the Lord, which was evident to his wife.

When we surrender ourselves to Jesus, the power of the gospel changes our lives. After the third point was brought up by Alane, Tom acknowledged that he saw his problems in each of the three points. Alane saw that he understood her, saw her perspective, and agreed with her.
Than, when Alane asked him what he saw wrong with her, Tom having rest in the Lord and seeing how God worked a miracle in him, lost all desire to tell her what he has been trying to tell her in the same conversation in the past.

If we spend time each morning with the Lord in His word, he brings to our remembrance things we’ve learned when we need them, just as He did to Tom helping him to have victory.