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Marriage in God’s Hands 14

Effective Communication

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Special thanks to the author & producer for permitting the free distribution of this video.

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Seven principles of effective communication are clearly presented, which can dramatically improve the marriage relationship.


One of the deadliest things in marriage is poor communication. As a result misunderstanding, irritation and even bitterness happen. Sometimes it seems that we have time to communicate with anybody else, but with our spouse. If it happens often, it is a problem; barriers begin to build. Hebrews 13:16 gives us a very important clue of how important communication is: “…. to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.” God is very pleased when we communicate, and we are too since we have harmony and unity in marriage.

Seven points of effective communication in marriage:

1. Taking time for each other. Commit time daily to really listen to your spouse; ensuring you understand what he/she is saying. And do not unload all the negative tings in the beginning, but start in a positive way.

2. Listen with a heart to hear. After listening to your spouse, say back what you understood to ensure there is clarification, even if you do not agree.

3. We can have different opinions and perspectives. It does not mean that each spouse has to think like the other in order to blend their lives together. Where many people become confused is that we cannot try to live on different principles. We can have different perspectives on things that are not moral issues, do not affect the principles of God’s word, or the integrity of the marriage or family. But we cannot have different perspectives on principles. The reasons why many people do not have the same perspectives on principles are firstly because many times they do not go to the Bible for the sure foundation. Secondly because we are unwilling to let self die (holding to self). For example if the mother desires for the children to try new food, and the husband does not consider this important, he should support his wife. And if he leads out saying that it does not matter, than the wife is to support him. Thus the two parents in agreement, although holding different perspectives. On the other hand, when it comes to biblical principles, such as Ephesians 6:1 which says “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.”, we cannot have a different opinion on this and still have effective communication.

4. We have to be positive in our communication. For example, rather than saying “Can you help us with this job as my husband is not good at it”, say “Can you help us with this job, it is not one of my husband’s strengths”. Also show appreciation daily for things the other person does, not just with words, but with actions.

5. Being sensitive – being aware of the non verbal communication that takes place. One can be saying on things, but feeling something else. And the other person should pick it up. Thus our hearts have to be right, as the words can be controlled, but not what is really inside. The things that break effective communication can be changed if we will cooperate with the Lord.

6. Stay on the topic. Address it, and not go to another topic.

7. Honesty and integrity. Unfortunately in many marriages there is no open, honest communication. There should be transparency, not trying to hide things. This improves our communication as we know that what is shared is honest, even if it is difficult to share.

A personal challenge: take time daily to communicate effectively, with a regular scheduled time.
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