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Marriage in God’s Hands 25

Mutually Meaningful Intimacy

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Mutual intimacy in marriage is the result of a relationship that is heart to heart as husband and wife meet all the needs of each other in love.


Mutual intimacy is important to both husband and wife. In many marriages mutual intimacy has degenerated to a sexual act. The sexual act is just one aspect of intimacy. It’s the whole intimate relationship that is based on learning to be one with each other, developing respect for the other person, learning how to be restrained, and learning to say I am sorry or forgive me. These are all part of the intimacy that becomes beneficial to both partners.

The Bible talks about the two should become one. The husband should do all he can to meet the needs of his wife. That she can count on his affections, that he will take time to communicate with his wife; listening with his heart, etc. All these things, and even small things through out the day and relationship, prepare the way for true intimacy.

In Ephesians 4:2 it says “With all lowliness and meekness….” These words, lowliness and meekness, in this society do not seem fit for men. In this verse meekness is not aligned with a weakness in men; it is to be sensitive to Christ and to the wife. The verse continues to say “with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;” Forbearing means to go away from the me focus, and look at the us focus, in every aspect of the marriage – be it even in small things. And when both the husband and wife do so, it leads to the culmination of the intimate response in marriage, that privilege that God has given the wife and husband to have together. But it all starts early in the day, by respecting each other and being interested in each other. If you view the act of intimacy as isolated, than it will not be very fulfilling. The wife than may feel used, to meet a sexual drive in her husband, and this destroys pure love which gives, not just receives. When this is the case, the wife can by godly love towards her husband, such as by speaking kindly to him even when he speaks angrily, break the physical drive in him which want just to have his physical needs met and soften his heart and help him realize what a wife God has given him who is willing to do all she can do for him.

The job pressures, the financial pressures, and other pressures that are increasing, can rob us of time to spend with our spouse, which kill love. So what happens is that intimacy in marriage ceases, and separation occurs, or that love not being nurtured, turns into lust – lust dominating the intimacy, which is not fulfilling to either husband or wife. We need to commit time, in spite of our busy schedule, to spend as a couple daily to build our relationship and not just built it on an act of intimacy at night. When the couple spend time together and are one in heart, the act of intimacy will be much more fulfilling – mutually meaningful intimacy.

If you find yourself having no feelings left for your spouse, and you know that separation, divorce is not where God is leading you and that He wants to rebuild your marriage, John 15:17, which applies to all of us, is a command of our Lord: “These things I command you, that ye love one another.” If you do not love right now, it still needs to happen. You have made commitments to meet the financial pressures, to fund the education of your children, to be successful in your work. The devil hates marriage because if rightly understood it is the union that represents Christ and His church. We want to encourage you to do something similar to all the other commitments that you have made and commit time to rebuild the marriage. God can rekindle those feeling in us. As a husband or wife, I need to choose to let God change the way I think and the way I feel towards my spouse. Than I can respond to my spouse differently which will encourage him or her to develop the feelings I desire him or her to have towards me. Little things that the spouse does can send the message that he or she cares for his or her spouse.

The reason why one marries another is because there is no one else he or she wants to spend life with. If we put this into perspective it means that he or she wants to meet all the needs of his or her spouse in all aspects of life, and not have time for her or him only for the intimacy act. Mutual meaningful intimacy is that heart connection, love for each other. When this marriage heart to heart is in place, than the act of intimacy is meaningful to both. If this heart connection is not there because you are too busy, or have been fighting too much, this is because you have not made the one that God has put in your life important enough. We should renew our vows in our hearts, that love, romance, closeness. If you will begin to specifically pray for the things that are not working for you, God will begin to specifically answer your prayers, and bring that mutually meaningful intimacy back into all the aspects of your marriage, which will culminate in the physical union.
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